Things to read...

If time is short, I'd suggest reading at LEAST The Prologue and Legend of The Pinto Bean Posts!

Friday, June 6, 2008

Tomorrow, Bar Harbor!

Good evening everyone! Today was another not so adventurous day spent driving and breaking stuff.... The good news is, I gots new stuff! The bad news is, it isn't all that funny. So in that case, I'm just gonna make stuff up! Well ok, not really. After a lovely night spent sleeping with Sir Snores-alot, I awoke to another cold and overcast day at the campground. I broke camp, which pretty much consists of deflating the air mattress and brushing my teeth, and prepared to hit the road. I no sooner started to leave the camp when I saw a spiffy sight, and decided to take a few pictures. What did I see? Well, I'm glad you asked!

As I drove out, I heard a loud "Gobbledeegobbledeegobble" and caught the stinky end of a wild turkey as it disappeared behind a parked pick-up truck. Now usually when one sees some wild turkey back behind a pick-up truck, one also looks for its' companions, Jack Daniel's, Johnny Walker, and that oh-so-fine Mad Dog 20/20. Also usually present is a passed out redneck, often in the back of said pick-up truck. This time however, the wild turkey was of the non-alcoholic kind, and I was excited. I immediately parked the truck and grabbed the camera, and prepared for the stalk. Now for those of you who've never been on a turkey hunt, lemme tell ya a few things. Turkeys are at the OTHER end of the spectrum from Rockstar. Well, so are most things, but my point is, they're generally pretty smart and crafty. A turkey can see you solely by the whites of your eyes, and are well known for following hunters around all day, w.o the hunter ever seeing them. Kinda like how a woman feels when following her man thru a sporting goods store. This being said, I knew I was going to have to draw on my experiences running black ops into Laos after the Tet Offensive if I was gonna get the drop on this Tom.

I instinctively reached for my camouflage face paint to draw on a picture perfect forest scene that would make Bob Ross proud, and certainly hide me from the turkey. It was then I realized I don't carry that stuff anymore, and the best I could manage was my Camo Quillen College of Medicine hat, which may or may not have been put on to keep my cow-licks down... Well after coming up empty hand (not a grammatical error...) I briefly considered smearing mud all over myself a la Predator, but quickly scrapped the idea when I realized it would require getting dirty. I began a slow stalk towards the truck where the turkey was preparing to make his last stand. I drew upon all of my survival skills I learned in survival school, as well as even a few ninja skillz I learned on the internet. There was no way he ever stood a chance, the element of surprise was to be mine. I slowly crept up on him, and he slowly moved away from where I thought he'd be. Apparently was about to let me down. I finally rounded the side of the truck, camera at the ready, prepared to go straight Rambo with a camera on the Tom, only to be greeted with more tail feathers. apparently this was Yogi the Turkey (smarter than the average turkey.) I wasn't worried though, because thanks to years of education in physics and other hard classes like that, I knew I was smarter than the turkey, and better yet, I knew where the turkey was headed...

So I turn around and go around the other side of the truck, again to see tail feathers. I dismissed the idea that maybe I was seeing the back end of two turkeys, and they were trying to lure me into a trap, but I still stayed at my end of the truck because there was no way I was falling for that. Again. For some reason distant memories of playing "tag" as a child flooded into my brain, and I had a brilliant idea, I would just stay put and wait on ol' Tom. As sure as Rocky will run into a closed plate glass door every time, the Tom doubled back. Unfortunately for him, Homo sapiens was about to win this battle of the species! I raised my camera, salivating over the though of the great picture I was about to bag when it happened. That scourge of the campground. That denizen of the fast lane. That evil that strikes when you are most in a hurry came by; the 40Ft camper with car in tow, driving along at about about 9,000,000,000 RPM in first gear, shiny bald head barely visible over the steering wheel... Well at the site of this lumbering behemoth, the Tom deflated and lit out for the hills. I thought for a moment I might still be able to save the moment when he slowed briefly to decide if he wanted to ride the teeter-totter. Unfortunately, the Tom was alone and a friendless childhood clued me in that riding alone was just no fun, so he continued on, never to be seen again... All that remains are these pictures.

That story told, there was little else worth mentioning today. Tomorrow I hope to wander around Bar Harbor, Maine for a while. After that I'm likely heading out towards maybe Vermont and upstate NY. So if anyone here has an extra filet mignon they need devoured, just drop me a line and the Traveling Menagerie will head your way!! Also, my ever so critical middle manager has pointed out that apparently I seem to think too much stuff is "beautiful" and therefore I need to invest in a thesaurus. Because of this I've tried hard to refrain from using that term in this story, so if you failed to laugh, it's because my vocabulary was STRIPPED of my most beloved and powerful word. Well everyone, until tomorrow, Good Day!
Also for those who are wondering what broke, and placing side bets on what specific part of the Bean it was, here ya go. Today I had to replace my cell phone, a Motorola Q as it decided it just didn't wanna play nice anymore. Luckily Verizon direct exchanged it, so I was thrilled! Also, the auto focus on my camera decided that it no longer felt the need to be gainfully employed, so one quick stop at Best Buy later, viola! New camera! Thanks again all my beloved readers for you care and concern! Sleep well knowing the fuzzy pictures will be no more!


Anonymous said...

I'm not sure how it took me so long to stumble across you...but thanks to Chuck Z and someone else (sadly, can't remember who) I did. Yippee! Wishing you all the best on your travels. If you were cruising back thru the great state of NC, we'd have you over for banana pudding and some sweet tea.

My boss would love the fact I've used my entire morning to catch up on you.

Blessings for safe travels.

Cary said...

Just linked to your blog thru Andrew Sullivan. I see y'all are in the neighborhood (sort of!). You must come down to Boston from Maine and see the harbor, Bunker Hill, Dorchester Heights, etc. The history in Boston is amazing! Feel free to contact me if you need a guide. Good luck with your travels.

Kat said...

Good luck! I can see, no matter what, this trip is turning out pretty good.

thank you for your service and the opportunity to get to know you here on the blogs.

Looking forward to reading more.

Anonymous said...

Just found your blog today through Blackfive. You've got a place to stay in Seattle if you decide to pass this way! Thank you for sharing your blog, your thoughts, your humor AND a most humble and sincere "Thank You" for your service to our country!

callee said...

Hi! I found your blog via MaryAnn at Soldiers' Angels Germany. I'm seeing turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy...mmmm...I knew I should have eaten breakfast.

Safe travels :)

Mr Bob said...

Thanks Daniel for that hilarious account. You are voted best new blog on my at least 2 people will know (me and my wife).
Anyway, hope you make it to Colorado, I'd serve you up some fine Navy Chow. ...ok not Navy chow, actual real beef cooked over fire.

Mr Bob
Arvada, Colorado

Anonymous said...

Daniel...are you planning a jont thru Syracuse?...we aren't IN Syracuse but outside close enough to meet up and offer our hospitality! I will personally go to "Dinosaur" and grab us all the fixin's of a truely good bbq. Rocky dawg included. I used to have a boxer named Rocky. Dayum I miss him...yours sounds like mine. LOL...OHHHHHH...will put some slugs in the Bean from the gas lotto too!...lemme know sugar.

And thank ya so much for your service.


p.s. came her by way of tcoveride. Good man, that.

Jeremy C said...

Great reads! Found you via Andrew Sullivan and just deposited $25 in the road fund!

Screw that Moto Q man! I just finally got rid of mine when the new BlackBerry Curve FINALLY came out on Verizon. You should pick one up! You'd be able to post to your blog from the phone AND take videos!

Mike Wert said...

Hey man, best wishes on your trip. I hope you find something you never expected...

If you roll through the middle of Indiana sometime hit me up, I've got a 20 with your name on it. Maybe a burger too, though you might wanna give it to the dog, I'm not that great of a cook.

Ellis said...

Hey. I just found your blog on and chipped in some money to the gas fund. If you find yourself in Seattle, let me know and I'll buy you some lunch or dinner. Good luck and I'll be checking for updates!

Pixel said...

Found you through, sounds like an awesome trip. Donated $15, it isn't much but at least it'll get you a few miles.

I'm in West Hartford CT (right smack dab in the middle), if you need help or a garage with tools for the Pinto Bean let me know and I'll be glad to help. Pixel (at)

Robert said...

Found you and Rocky through Black5. Read your blogs back from the start of May. It sounds like it will be a great experience. If you decide to stretch your wings a little and make it to Anchorage Alaska we will put you up, feed you, show you around and introduce you both to our whippets. We look forward to reading about the rest of your trip and doing what we can to keep you in gas.
Rocky is a lucky dog to have you.
Robin and Robert

JJ Daddy-O said...

Looks like you're on Jalopnik today, so your hits are going to amp up. Rawk on!

cat said...

ya, I uh, was reading through the archives and got a little carried away, and realized after I posted my comment that the one post wasn't the latest one. My bad. If ya see anymore wild turkeys, do me a favor and shoot it. With.. a gun, not a camera. Then you can post the story of how RTD ate thanksgiving dinner. :)

davintosh said...

Hey Cap'n Dan:

Learned of your blog on Jalopnik this afternoon, and just finished reading through it (no, didn't take that long, just that long to get to it!)

Just wanted to say that this is a very cool thing you're doing, and I wish you the best. I'll pitch in a few gallons' worth, and will link to you on my blog, hopefully steering a few more readers/contributors your way.

If you find yourself in southeastern South Dakota and in need of a good home-cooked meal (my wife is an awesome cook, as evidenced by my waistline), look me up. Sioux Falls offers a little in the way of scenery; I'd love to show you a bit of it, and maybe give you some tips for more awesomer sights to see further to the west. We've got this Mt. Rushmore thing going on that you maybe ought to check out.

Thanks for your sacrifice. And for sharing your trip with us all. And really... Call if you end up here. I'm in the book.

Dave Thornton
Sioux Falls, SD